They say the best way to learn something well is to teach it. Today has been a day of extreme learning. I have been preparing for my day long workshop Opening our Hearts to Gaia tomorrow at the Worcester Town Hall. We will be journeying, sharing, learning about the wisdom and power of the heart, and doing ritual to open and connect our Hearts with the Earth.
Part of my preparation was to find some quiet reflective time to meditate and refresh my energy.
I went to a local ashram where there is an exquisitely beautiful meditation cave that is lovingly tended year round. Being in that space felt like a home coming. I was so grateful for the deep quiet and sacred energy of that place. I breathed in the support of the Earth and exhaled my love and gratitude, over and over. After a couple hours which passed very quickly, i made my way home. Everything seemed more clear and bright. I felt at peace and in touch with a still center in my being. My heart was wide open and i felt blessed. I made a decision to go back regularly.
I came home to find that my dog Brinx was missing. I figured he had probably followed a neighbor home as he has occasionally done before. Soon my phone rang and it was indeed my neighbor friend saying she had my dog and would swing by on her way to town to drop him off. I told her she could simply let him out where we park (a 5 minute walk from our home) and drive away. He has been good about going home from this spot when i need to drive away without him.
After a while i got a text saying Brinx had ran after their car for almost a mile after they dropped him off. They had to turn around and bring him back again. I walked down to fetch him, starting to feel disturbed. Once i got within sight and sound distance, i called him. He saw me but kept trying to go back with them. They had to keep telling him to go. He finally came, reluctantly. I gave him a treat and we walked up to the house. I was now feeling very sad. Sad and betrayed. I have poured so much love and care into my dog companion. How could he want to leave me? I was bereft while judging myself for being ridiculous. Brinx was crying and looking miserable.
So what is the lesson here? I got to experience the bliss of an open connected heart and then, very quickly, a sad and abandoned heart. The wound of abandonment is an old one for me. It is a well worn emotional path of co dependance and victimhood, neediness, and conditional love. I am not proud but i am human and i am healing. I know the extremes and i know the center. The old wound may continue to rear its sad self at times and i will do my best to surround myself with compassion and love.
Meanwhile i will continue to cultivate my open connected Heart. My dog is free to love who he loves and i am free to love unconditionally. Having re-membered this profound lesson personally, i am now that much more able to share it with others.
Life is a journey of Re-membering.
When our Hearts are open and connected to Gaia, we are truly Home.